OUR LITTLE MIRACLE

I am a little late but...I am sure you understand as we now have a 1 month old at home.  YAY !!!  On August 12, N made his debut.  After years of trying, losing hope, lots of meds and ultra sounds, and a miscarriage, our prayers and dreams have been answered and we have been blessed with a healthy son.  It brings me to tears just to think about it and how close we came to never having N.  We have truly been blessed.

N entered this world a week and a half early.  I had been having Braxton Hicks A LOT in the days/weeks leading up to his birth so we started to think he was going to come early.  Plus, I was huge and at my OB check a couple days before, the doc said he thought I would have N that weekend - I was 2 cm dilated.  I woke up on the morning of the 12th to use the restroom and, as I got out of bed, I felt a gush of fluid.  It was my water breaking.  A little while later, I started having contractions.  I wasn't positive it was my water breaking or "real" labor so I waited a little while before I called T at work to let him know.  My mom had been visiting and stayed on after hearing that the OB thought we would be having a baby that weekend.  So, I wasn't alone.  A couple of hours later and consistently more intense contractions, I called T to tell him to come home and I called work to let them know I wouldn't be in that afternoon.  Unfortunately, by the afternoon, my contractions had stalled.  Around 4 pm, we called my OB office and were told to immediately go to Labor and Delivery because it had been so long since my water broke.  OOPS.  Apparently, I should have called that morning.  With B, my water didn't break until I was at the hospital so I thought that when my water broke with N, I just waited until my contractions were 5 minutes apart and 1 minute long and then went to the hospital.  I was wrong.

T and I got to the hospital where my OB office had called ahead to let them know we were coming.  They wanted to check to make sure my water had broken since my contractions were so inconsistent now.  The first two tests came back negative.  The doctor was thinking I had a urinary tract infection and that I actually had urine leaking which was the gush of fluid I had felt.  However, they did one last test on me and that one came back positive.  My water had broken, I hadn't peed myself .  Let me tell you, that was a relief LOL.  I was so embarrassed to think I might have called off work, had T come home early and gone to the hospital because I had peed myself.  But, now that it was confirmed, I was admitted and started on Pitocin to strengthen and make my contractions regular.

I had decided I wanted to try natural and skip the epidural.  However, by about 8 pm, I caved and asked for the epidural.  My contractions were so intense and coming so frequently, I was having trouble coping with it.  Unfortunately, they had trouble giving me the epidural.  I was stuck 3 times before he got it in.  And let me tell you, being hunched over your huge belly and told not to move while having contractions every 2-5 minutes for so long while they tried to get the epidural in was so not fun.  When I was told it was finally done, I was so relieved.  I felt some relief initially but it wasn't as strong as I remembered with B.  Within a few minutes, however, I realized that the epidural had only taken effect on one side of my body.  So, my right side was doing OK but my left side was not effected whatsoever.  The pain became so intense that my mom ended up leaving with B.  She had wanted to be there for the birth of N but we decided it wasn't a good scene for her with me in such pain.  It was starting to upset her.  The nurse paged the nurse anesthetist to come back and check my epidural because there was obviously something wrong but that was about when things started getting interesting.

When I came in to the hospital I was 3 cm dilated.  When I was checked before the epidural, I was still 3 cm but coming closer to 4 cm.  The nurse and doctor thought I would have the baby by about 3 AM.  However, when the nurse realized the epidural wasn't working she checked me again.  In about an hour, I had progressed to about 6 or 7 cm.  The anesthesiologist came in around this time and checked my epidural.  He decided to give me more drugs to see if that would help.  It didn't.  He then decided that he would have to remove the epidural and reinsert it.  While he was getting ready to do that, my contractions were right on top of each other and I was in A LOT of pain.  The nurse realized at this point that the reason the additional meds might not be working was because I may have progressed even further so she checked me again.  I was now at 10 cm.  So, in the space of an hour and a half, I had gone from 3 cm to 10 cm.  The baby was coming FAST and the nurse starts calling for the doctor.  Unfortunately, the doctor was in the middle of a C section.

With B, I never felt the urge to push because of the epidural.  But, this time, I was in essence having a natural birth and most definitely could feel the urge.  The urge came on so strong I told the nurse I had to push and I had to do it now.  She starts telling me not to push, the doctor isn't there yet and that I should start blowing like I was blowing out birthday candles.  She was so calm and so wonderful, I was lucky.  She started getting everything ready and kept trying to get the doctor in there.  The urge came again and she helped me fight it off again.  At this point, the anesthesiologist has gone in to the surgical suite to get my OB.  The third time the urge came to push, I couldn't hold it off and starting yelling out that I couldn't stop and had to push now.  As I started pushing, my OB came into the room.  He looked down and right there was the head emerging.  About 4 pushes later and N had entered the world.  It happened incredibly quick and I am embarrassed to say that I yelled out a few times as I pushed N into the world.  Instead of being born at 3 AM, N came into the world at 10:30 PM.  I had been admitted at 5 pm and progressed from 3 cm to 10 cm from about 8:30 PM to 10:15 PM or so.  It happened so quick that even the nurse and doctor were surprised.  And despite changing my mind and wanting the epidural, I got to have a natural birth essentially whether I wanted it or not.

So, here we are one month later.  It is becoming difficult to remember what life was like before N.  B absolutely adores him.  He is finally starting to settle into a semblance of a schedule so we are getting a little more sleep.  Breast feeding him has been a bit difficult but we are getting the hang of it.  He just had his one month checkup and has already gained 2 pounds.  We have our miracle boy and are so thrilled.  We are all looking forward to how our family will evolve and what the future holds for us.  It has been a long, arduous journey but it was worth it.  We are so thankful for our doctors, our family and our friends.  We were one of the lucky ones. 

26 Weeks !!

We have made it to 26 weeks !!  I still cannot believe we are here.  Only 14 more to go :).  I can't say it's been an easy pregnancy, but, it is worth it.  It's like so many say, each pregnancy is different, and , boy, this one sure is different than B's.  Unfortunately, the sciatic nerve problems I had with B are rearing their head with this one too.  But, despite those days when I want to cry because I am so uncomfortable and tired, it is sooo worth it.  I wouldn't change anything to be able to have this little guy.  I am so very thankful we have been blessed with him.

T and I have made the decision to cloth diaper the little guy.  I did a lot of research on it and found so many positives.  For us, the biggest positive is financial.  By cloth diapering, we can save about $1500-2000 from birth to potty trained.  Wow.  That's a lot of money.  B had some bad issues with diaper rashes at various points and CDing is reported to healthier in that respect for babies, too.  Plus, cloth diapers are so damn cute !!  It is NOT the pins and rubber pants of our parents and grandparents era.  There are all in one (AIO) diapers which are just like disposables except you wash them instead of throwing them away. 

Bumgenius AIO

Then, there are your pocket diapers which are an outer layer of waterproof material with a cloth inner material like suedecloth or fleece.  They have a pocket in between these layers that you can stuff with whatever absorbant material you want - prefolds, flats, specially made inserts, etc.

FuzziBunz pocket diaper

After that you have your prefold/flat/fitted diapers and covers.  Prefolds, etc are the absorbant diaper that you think of when you think of what our parents used.  They are a cloth absorbant layer that is NOT waterproof.  You need to put a waterproof cover open them.  You fold them in various ways and then can pin them or Snappi (kind of like an elastic bandage fastener) them.  Fitted diapers are the cloth absorbant layer like a fitted or prefold only they are sized and come with snaps or velcro (aplix) to hold them in place.

Flat diaper (courtesy of the cloth diaper whisperer)

Prefold Diaper

Thirsties Fab Fitted Diaper

Snappi on a diaper (courtesy of snappibaby.com)

Thirsties diaper cover

That is cloth diapering basics according to me :).  And it is my new obsession.  You can buy them from companies like Cottonbabies, Kelly's Closet, Green Mountain Diapers, or Nickis Diapers (to name just a few).  Or you can buy them used on ebay or on places like diaperswappers.com.  I know a lot of people think, yuck, used diapers but....Our parents used diaper services on us and people still do today.  You can sanitize them just like anything else.  You can also buy cloth diapers and accessories from work at home moms (WAHM) on places like etsy or hyena cart.  And they are so dang cute.  Plus there are wool soakers, wool longies/shorties and fleece soakers.  I am in the process of making my own cloth wipes using flannel.  Why buy disposable wipes when I can make my own (or buy) cheaper and then just throw them in the wash with the diaper I just changed?  I just have to be careful.  We are doing the CD thing mainly for financial reasons so me wanting to buy so many different types of diapers is not helpful LOL.  But it is hard not to buy, I want so many :).

Some people think we are crazy for wanting to do it (I admit to thinking CDing was crazy when I had B), but, now that I have looked into it, it sounds like it is for us.  Websites like diaperswappers.com and blogs like theclothdiaperwhisperer.com have been super helpul (check them out for great info on cloth diapering).  I am excited.  It will be a learning curve but I think T and I can do it.  That is, unless I keep spending all our money on all this fabulous fluff !!

Halfway There -- 20 weeks

20 weeks, wow.  I never thought we would get halfway through another pregnancy.  I confess that sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop or that I will wake up and find this was all just a wonderful dream.  I am so nervous about this pregnancy but am really trying to not stress myself out.  And this pregnancy is SOOOO different than B's that it is almost like being pregnant for the first time again and not knowing what to expect.

I am having some issues with water retention.  By the end of my work day, I look like I have clown feet because my ankles and feet are so swollen.  Same thing happens to my hands.  So, after about a 6 lb weight gain in one month which the doctor feels is mainly water, I have to adjust my diet.  Low sodium.  Most of my favorite foods have to either be eliminated or severely cut back.  I have had a serious craving for pizza this pregnancy but that will have to be curtailed now.  Poor T, I cried so hard on the way home from the doctor's office because of that 6 lbs.  All I could think was that I was going to get gestational diabetes and endanger the baby.  I can always find the silver lining....

With B, I had problems putting weight on.  It is appearing that isn't going to be an issue with this little guy.  I had another meltdown just the other day when I decided I was going to weigh myself before my shower.  The scale showed a 8-10 lb weight gain in the week and a half since my last doctor's appointment.  Poor T came running into the bathroom to see what was wrong, I was crying so hard.  He finally got me calmed down, telling me the scale was broken.  I then went in to get dressed for work.  I wear uniforms for work and my uniform shirt is a button down oxford that I had been wearing untucked over my maternity pants.  I put the shirt on and couldn't get it to button shut all the way down.  What would button was so strained I had huge gaps.  Another crying jag ensued.  My poor, poor husband.  He was wonderful, though.  He got my new maternity shirts for work out and told me how nice I looked in them.  Thankfully, the scale WAS broken.  We replaced it and I haven't gained any weight since my last appointment.  The baby, however, appears to have gone through another growth spurt as my belly is DEFINITELY bigger.  Freakin' hormones, they make everything so dramatic.

The little guy is also pretty active.  B was not this active.  He moves a lot.  T got to feel him for the first time the other night.  He was kicking so hard that T asked me if it hurt.  While it is sometimes inconvenient when he decides to start playing (like almost every night when I lay down to go to sleep LOL), it is a huge comfort to me to feel him moving around in there.  T and I were trying to explain to B the other day that her baby brother kind of swam around inside Mommy and that I could feel him moving around.  She looked up at me in awe and said, "You have a swimming pool inside you, Mama?"

Only another 20 weeks to go.  This baby is already bigger than B was at this stage.  The doctor decided to keep my original due date as of right now, though.  I have a feeling this one is going to be a lot bigger than his sister at birth.  I am hoping he isn't going to be a 10 pounder LOL.  As long as he is healthy, that is all I ask.

Wow, it's been awhile

It has been a long time since I have posted.  There has been so much going on in our lives since December.  My mother in law went into the hospital to have surgery on her foot due to an infection at the beginning of December.  She contracted MRSA and her lungs and kidneys began failing.  She was placed on a ventilator and dialysis for several days and started to recover.  She recovered enough that a few days after she came off the vent, she was released into a rehab facility.  The day after she entered the rehab facility, she went into cardiac arrest.  She was placed on life support but due to a lack of brain activity, the decision was made to remove her from life support and she died.  We buried her the Saturday before Christmas.

December was such a bittersweet time for us.  The day we found out my MIL was not going to be able to recover, we got confirmation that we were pregnant.  It was such happy news coupled with such horrifying news.  T and I made the decision to tell the family right away to help with such a devastating time.  We also made sure we told my MIL before she was taken off life support.  She was such a supporter of us through our infertility problems.  In fact, she was one of the main reasons we went to The Institute for Reproductive Health.  If she hadn't talked T into getting a second opinion there, he wouldn't have been able to talk me into it.  I like to think that my MIL is the guardian angel for our baby, watching over the baby to make sure nothing bad happens.  Love you, Pat.

7 week ultrasound

I was a basket case up until we had our 9 week ultrasound in January.  The 9 wk u/s was the one where we found out we had lost the twins during our last pregnancy.  I was convinced the same would happen this time.  I did not sleep the night before the appointment.  I started crying right before the doctor started the u/s because I was so sure the baby would be gone.  But, I was wrong.  We had a strong healthy heart beat.  Thank you, God.

9 week ultra sound

Then, in February, my father in law suffered a stroke.  We were lucky, if you can call it that, in that it appeared he had a minor stroke.  After almost an entire month in the hospital, he was allowed to return home.  I am happy to say that he is doing well.  He is on a feeding tube and has to take a kagillion meds, but he is home and mobile and able to talk to us fine.  Another blessing.

During all of this, T and I barely had time to think about the baby.  I think, in all honesty, we were afraid to think about the baby.  At the end of January, we were released from the Institute's care and went back to my regular OB office.  At my first appointment, I was 10 weeks.  It was not a good appointment in many ways that I am not going to list.  The worst was that the nurse practitioner couldn't find the heart beat for the baby.  I was terrified.  What made it worse is that the OB office couldn't schedule me for an u/s to check on the baby until TWO WEEKS later.  T was absolutely furious and called the Institute.  The nurse there got us the first appointment on Monday morning as it was Friday afternoon when T called.  After a nerve racking weekend,  we were relieved to find out the baby was absolutely fine.  A strong heart beat and moving around like a little fish.  The doctor said it just might have been to early for them to find the heart beat or the baby might have been hiding or moving around too much.  When we talked to the OB office later, the nurse was very apologetic and said they never should have made me wait so long to check on fetal viability.

11 week u/s

Miraculously enough, to T and I, we made it through the first trimester. I was on pins and needles the whole time. We are now 15.5 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has been so different than B's. I have had horrible nausea and extreme fatigue. But, thankfully, the early pregnancy symptoms have all pretty much gone away. I still get some mild nausea from time to time and am somewhat tired, but, wow, do I feel so much better. I am anemic again, which I was with B, so I have started the iron supplements again. We had our 2nd OB, appointment last Friday. I did have a concern that I thought my belly was bigger than it should be for where I am in the pregnancy. I went from having a slightly fuller belly to BAM, definitely showing almost overnight. Unfortunately, T and I once again could not hear the heart beat. The doctor could distinguish it and said everything was fine, but T and I could not. He also said that I was measuring fine, I probably had a big growth spurt is all.  Plus, it is our 3rd pregnancy so showing sooner is more common. 

Because of my age and the insulin resistance I had plus some of these other factors, the doctor doesn't consider me high risk but does consider me at risk. Therefore, I get more ultrasounds.  Yesterday, we went in for our 4th u/s.  We were able to hear the heart beat for the first time and was it ever a beautiful sound.  The baby looks perfect.  We were even lucky enough to find out that we are having a little boy.  T and I couldn't be happier. 

15.5 week u/s

I think it is finally starting to set in for T and I that we are actually going to be having another child.  We started looking at baby names last night.  B is very excited and wants to name the baby, Buster.  She has hung one of the u/s pics over her bed.  Now, we just have to wait until August 23.  I can't wait.

I can't believe its only a month until Christmas!!

We are gearing up for the holidays here.  Thanksgiving is Thursday and, shockingly, I have bought everything I need already.  I have to work so it will be a small Thanksgiving lunch that I will be putting together.  Working on the Holidays give me mixed feelings - I hate how often I miss out on all the family gatherings but that Holiday pay is FANTASTIC.  At least by me making a Thanksgiving lunch for myself, my mom and the 2 kids, I get to have some holiday. 

We went down to one of the area malls last night for their Holiday Parade and Christmas tree lighting.  It was nice.  Not frigid, not crazy crowded and B was soooo excited.  She was sure she was going to miss Santa.  It put me in the spirit for the season.

I have a big weekend planned for Thanksgiving weekend.  I don't have to work so Mom and I are doing Black Friday.  You either love or hate Black Friday.  I love the challenge of finding a fabulous deal.  I absolutely hate the crowds so I have to make a game plan before we go out or else I will freak out.  Literally, freak out and end up on the news as that crazy woman who went all Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 on the poor unsuspecting shopping crowds.  It's fun.

Then, T, my mom, the 2 kids, and I are going downtown for the annual Christmas Tree lighting and Holiday Parade.  I have never been, I have always had to work so I am looking forward to it.  But it looks like it is going to be cold, cold, cold.

On Saturday, Mom and I are going to see the Cirque Holidaze show.  I cannot wait.  I have always wanted to see a Cirque show and am thrilled that I can take Mom with me.  I think she will enjoy it much more than T would.  Besides, T is excited to put up all the lights and decorations.  Better him than me.

And, of course, in between all of this we will be trying to make a baby.  My ultra sound is Saturday morning to see if I have any viable follicles.  I am a little skeeved that we will be "baby dancing" with my mom in the next room over, but....she had 2 kids so I think she has a decent idea on what has to happen in order for her to get another grand kid.  I am really hoping this time will be it.  I really hope we get a Christmas miracle this year.

Failed Round

Well, no luck this month.  There were some issues this month with our timing so I can't say I was surprised.  It is very upsetting to me, though.  I hadn't realized how much I had riding on this round until it was for sure that it had failed.  Probably because it was the first round after our miscarriage. 

Some days I am absolutely convinced that we will never have another child.  Yesterday was one of those.  But today, I feel a little better and will call the doctor this morning to get my meds and u/s set up for next month.  On the up side, at least the agony of waiting for those 2 weeks is over right now and I can get a bit of a reprieve.  Plus, I have been analyzing every little thing to try to figure out if it was a pregnancy symptom or just my period.  I think if I would have squeezed my boobs one more time to see if they were sore, I would have officially felt myself up more than my husband. 

I guess I will keep my fingers crossed for next month.  It would be the best Christmas gift ever if our next round works.  I think we will do 1-2 more rounds of timed intercourse and if it doesn't work, I guess its on to insemination.  More expensive and not what I want to do but....  Hopefully, we can do this again the old fashion way with just some help from the meds.

Third Time's the Charm

I went in this morning for my ultrasound to see if there were any viable follicles.  T was going to come with me since this ultrasound was being done by the other doctor in the practice whom we have never seen before, and because he was off work for once when I have had to go in for my follicle check.  Of course, the best laid plans....Poor B had a low grade fever yesterday, was feeling poorly and then spiked a 102 fever.  Turns out she has Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease.....FABULOUS.  So, I went to the appointment by myself. 

Dr. A turned out to be just as wonderful as Dr. S.  Both doctors are extremely personable with fantastic bed side manners.  I was very at ease with him which is good when he sees and feels more of my body than my own husband !!  The Clomid worked again this round, our third.  I have 2 follicles, one in each ovary.  Dr. A was very pleased with how they look.  I triggered this evening with the Ovidrel and T and I have been given our "schedule" to follow.  A schedule Dr. A decorated with hearts and Cupid's arrows to indicate what we should be doing. 

Now it will just be the waiting game, again.  Two weeks of waiting to see if it worked this time.  I am keeping my fingers crossed and trying not to get my hopes up too high.  I am hoping and praying that third time is the charm for us.  Now if I can just keep myself from peeing on a stick before the full 14 days is up.....