Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Disappointed but Not Surprised

I have been going nuts the last 2 weeks waiting to find out if our first treatment was successful.  Unfortunately, it wasn't and Aunt Flo made her monthly visit yesterday.  I was soooo disappointed.  But, since it was our first attempt, I really am not too surprised.  I mean, with the crappy luck T and I have had over the last 2 years, I was surprised we even were able to get 2 follicles let alone a baby the first time out.  The one positive aspect was that I had my own period without medication for the first time in 6-8 months so I hope that means my hormones are stabilizing.

I called the doc and we start round 2 on Wednesday.  I am trying to be upbeat and positive....really.  I did learn some valuable lessons, though.  The 2 week waiting period (2WW) SUCKS !!!  Talk about worrying and stressing..good Lord.  I kept telling myself not to dwell on it.  Don't Google every little twinge and ache or pain.  Don't analyze every stomach ache or seemingly high number of bathroom trips.  Try not to visualize what it would be like to actually BE pregnant and imagine having a baby in the house.  I kept telling myself not to do this because it would get my hopes up and then the disappointment would be that much higher.  **SIGH**  Obviously, I failed.  Two nights before Aunt Flo's visit, I actually told T that I really thought I might be pregnant this time and got his hopes up. 

This time, I will work harder not to over analyze and think about it so much.  I vow that I will not Google or Bing anything, and that I will stay off the baby boards and trying to conceive boards.  Those boards are really nice but, jeez, they can have a really negative impact.  You can find the answers you seek on there in order to fulfill what you WANT to hear as opposed to reality.  I WANT to be pregnant so I read the posts and talk to the ladies who will tell me what I want to hear so I can convince myself that I have beaten the odds and achieved conception.  Not necessarily a good thing for me.  It makes the let down that much worse. 

Soooo, I will avoid the boards during my next 2WW and try not to over analyze everything by body does.  I vow I will just try to ride it out and not get my expectations up.  I am not pregnant until Aunt Flo doesn't rear her ugly head (and the blood test confirms it).  It sounds nice, like what I should do.  Let's hope I can follow through this time.

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