Trying to retake control

I was thinking last night that one of the reasons I feel so lost and stressed out right now is that I feel like I have lost control. I am a bit (OK a whole lot) of a control freak. I had a plan for our future and now that plan is null and void as of right now. So much of me - my thoughts, my energies - revolve around our fertility issues now. It almost consumes me. Very unhealthy. SOOOOOO...I decided this morning to try and get a measure of control back in my life.

How am I going to try to achieve this, you ask? First by trying to tackle the problems that have evolved from PCOS. A friend sent me this link last night and it kind of kick started my decision - http://www.newsweek.com/id/73354. It is about how diet, exercise and weight control affect fertility. I think if I can start to feel better - my overall health, my self esteem - then I won't feel so overwhelmed. This involves a diet change and exercise, what we all know we need to do and have heard so often. The PCOS helped in my weight gain - probably 50 pounds over the last 1.5- 2 years- but I can't blame it solely on that. I know once the Metformin starts working, I may start dropping some of the weight because my body will be metabolizing what I eat better. But I can help that along. This article from Newsweek talks about how "good" carbs are beneficial for not only weight loss but helping out with my insulin resistance which in turn effects fertility. I am now on a mission to educate myself about what "good" carbs are and how to incorporate them into my diet. I also know that smaller portions are integral in weight loss but I also think that smaller portions and more frequent meals may help with my stomach rebellion against the Metformin. Last night I ate a much smaller meal than I normally do and I didn't have nearly the stomach problems I have been having with the Metformin. I don't know if it was related but it was a relief.

This morning I decided it was time to quit making excuses and get on a regular exercise regiment. I pulled out some DVDs I had bought once and never used on Pilates/Yoga and used them. Now I have never done Yoga so I know my form was horrible, but it got me sweating and my heart rate going. And it gave me a good laugh to see my 3 year old daughter, B, also trying to master downward facing dog. And the big plus, it made me feel good about myself..something I haven't felt in awhile. I am also hoping it will help with my insomnia. I am a bit sore right now but it is a good sore.

Overall, I felt pretty productive and like I was moving forward, not stagnant, today. I hope that I can keep it up and even get T in on it with me. If we do this together, we can encourage each other. I feel more empowered today than I have in a long time and I have such powerful motivation this time. Maybe we can find some good in all of this.